I am on a new journey in my life. I am now a student…again. It has been twenty-three years since I have been in school, so I have had to re-learn how to study. It has been a challenge, but a rewarding one.
Returning to school has been on my mind for quite some time, years actually. It was probably around 2015 when I started to feel the nudge. What I did not expect was to feel the nudge from the Holy Spirit. I knew it was Him because it was insistent and was stronger when I was in the Word. Honestly, it was kind of annoying because I thought it was crazy and unattainable. I was also afraid to return. I did not want to fail.
I ignored the urge to return to school for years, but I had started to develop a desire to go and had a deep sense of knowing why He wanted me to return. I had went to a few women’s conferences and was feeling convicted that I was meant for more. I developed a sincere desire for women’s ministry. I had been in a study group with some girlfriends and felt the pull to write in a different way. It was in that moment that I had the revelation that I needed to write devotionals for women. I wanted to help women know that they are not alone in their struggles, and despite their past, they are unconditionally loved and treasured by God.
So, seven years later, I finally gave in to the Holy Spirit, who is relentless by the way, and enrolled in school. I was stressed about the process, but I was not fearful any longer. I knew I was doing the right thing, and I knew exactly what I needed to major in. I signed up for an Associates degree in Biblical Studies. I yearned for a deeper and richer understanding of the Word of God. I needed to know more, I was thirsty for more, and I was excited to learn more.
I am asked what I want to do once I finish school. The answer is, I do not know. Well, that is not necessarily true. I know what I want to do, and that is write. I want to use what I have learned to become an author of women’s devotionals and help minister to women. However, ultimately it is up to God. I finally listened to him and look where I am now. He has helped and guided me throughout this whole journey and I know he will continue to do so. It would be foolish of me to stop listening to Him or doubting His incredible work in me now.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; do not try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he is the one who will keep you on track.
I had a great day. I was happy, content, and loved my job. Unfortunately, my day did not end so well.
The previous day I had made a mistake, one that I immediately regretted. I had a brief moment of lack in judgement. I had the best intentions of trying to correct it, but in hindsight, I just made it worse. The consequence of my mistake was the loss of my job.
This was new territory for me. In all my years of working, I had never been let go. I was devastated. I sincerely loved my job and missed it. I went into a deep mental and emotional hole for a few days. The false rumors about why I was fired did not help, and I chose to remain silent and just let them talk. My own self talk had become very negative.
I had come to a fork in the road. I had choices to make. I could believe God’s truth about who I was and who He is, or I could believe the lies Satan was saying about me. I could choose to find comfort in the Lord or find it in worldly things. The biggest thing I knew I needed to do was trust in Him, and allow Him to turn this set back into something good.
How did I do that? Well, it wasn’t easy. I made the conscious choice to seek God. I dove into scripture. I chose study after study and read His word each morning. I would highlight scripture to refer back to when the lies would creep back in to my mind. I prayed. I prayed every time my anxiety peaked and the devil tried to steal my joy as I was choosing the path of Jesus in that fork in the road. I leaned on Christian friends who encouraged me and prayed for me.
I was able to find peace and help by spending time with the Lord. I learned an even bigger lesson in this part of my story. See, my plan was to work at this job for years, at least until my youngest graduated high school. I had it all planned out. How silly of me thinking I have all the control. It is God who has the plan for my life, and He decides what happens. He decided my place was not at that job. So now I am back as a housewife, and waiting to see where He leads me next. Maybe this is where I am supposed to be. My children are busier than ever before and it is nice to be able to focus on that and manage the household. Maybe God has something even better in store for me. I don’t know, but I will continue to trust in Him.
I leave you with this bit of advice. When trouble comes and you are at that fork in the road, choose the road that leads to Jesus. There you will find your peace and comfort to weather the storm.
I feel lighter. My burdens don’t feel as heavy anymore. I have a new pep in my step.
I have prayed so much for a change in my marriage. I have asked God to help us make Him the foundation for our marriage and family. I prayerfully asked the Holy Spirit to reveal my faults and what I need to do to change and become a better wife. I prayed for my husband that same prayer…
..and it is working!
Our attitudes and how we handle struggles are changing. We are learning to think before we speak (still a work in progress!) and slow to become angry.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
We have begun doing Bible Studies together, even though making time in-between ball practices can be trying, it is vital in order to put Jesus first in our marriage. The best choice we have made in helping our marriage grow in faith is attending church again. We think we may have found a church home where we feel like God is speaking directly to us. It happens to be the church I grew up in and was baptized. I feel like I’ve come home. It is important to have a church family and worship the Lord with other believers.
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
*** I wrote the above a few days ago. Since that time, my husband and I had an argument. I am telling you this to show you that the road isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Marriage is difficult and sometimes we fail when we allow our own selfishness to supersede the fruits of the Spirit. Self-control is difficult sometimes when you are in the throws of an argument. Ephesians 4:31-32 perfectly states how we should not only treat one another, but especially our spouse.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Although we fought, we did come together and talk it out. Those conversations can be difficult. We have to actively listen to one another and extend forgiveness. Sometimes we even need to admit when we are wrong, and that is what we did.
I pray this post encourages you in your marriage. Remember we are not perfect and will make mistakes. It is what we do with those tough lessons that determines what direction our marriage will go.