Living In The Now

Have you ever thought about your past and it not go so well? It may start off as reliving the good memories, but then it shifts and all your mistakes start to seep through? Your filter isn’t working and by the end of it, you have torn yourself apart and the ‘what ifs’ have consumed your thoughts.That is where I was last night. My boys are vacationing with their dad and I was missing them terribly. All I wanted was to talk to them and they had been difficult to reach. I found myself thinking about the past and all the hurt my actions had caused. By the end of it I was convinced that my children didn’t miss me or love me as much as they once did. So, I cried…hard. Of course, none of that was true, but I believed it in that moment.

Once I pulled myself together, I felt the urge to read my Bible. The below verse caught my attention:

Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?

Isaiah 43:18-19 Msg

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history.” I was not living out this scripture. I had just spent the last several minutes beating myself up with lies and going over my past. I most certainly hadn’t forgotten, but the truth is God had. In Isaiah 43:25 scripture says, “I, yes I alone-will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.” If God can forgive and forget, then I should do the same.

“Be alert, be present.” The only thing I have is right now in this moment. It doesn’t do any good to live in the past. Living in the past causes blindness. It blinds me from seeing the work God is doing in my life in the present.

I can remove the blinders of my past, and re-focus thru the lenses of God’s future for me.

“I’m about to do something brand new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?” How can I apply this scripture to my life in the present? I can remove the blinders of my past, and re-focus thru the lenses of God’s future for me. I am made a new creation in Christ Jesus. It isn’t about what I have done, it is about what God has done, and what He has done inside of me. 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 says, “ we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone’ a new life burgeons!”

It isn’t about what I have done, it is about what God has done, and what He has done inside of me.

“A new life burgeons!” The definition of burgeons is, ‘begin to grow or increase rapidly, flourish’. Our Heavenly Father wants this for each of us. He doesn’t want us to remain chained by our past, our shortcomings, our sin. He wants us to break free through His forgiveness, so He can bless us and we can flourish right here in the now! I am ready to make this choice, are you ready to decide to not be a prisoner anymore and grasp a fresh start with Jesus?

Living in His grace,


Chapter 7: The First Vacation

Well.. I started off with the best of intentions. I prepared all my meals before hand, brought all the necessities for success, and then… went off plan.

I will fully admit that I chose to partake in food that was off plan. All of which were desserts. I did eat my four small meals but started to replace one or two with dessert. I did stay on plan with my lean and greens, even when we dined out. So I guess there were some wins and some losses.

I wish I could say that I felt great, but I didn’t. My body paid the price. I am currently bloated, swollen, and have had a dull headache. My body had adjusted to what I had been eating and it does not like what I have consumed. I have been eating low glycemic foods and very few carbs. I’m pretty sure pineapple upside down cake, banana cake, and strawberry milkshakes do not fall into that category.

That is where I am at physically but where am I now mentally?

I’m slightly disappointed in myself, but I’m also ready and excited to get back on track. I’m not being nonchalant about the food choices I made. I definitely could have done better but also could have done much worse. I am human after all. I think if I went completely off plan in every way, then maybe my attitude would be different, but I didn’t.

Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

My next step is to sit down and think about what I could do differently next time. I can’t count on will power alone to help, I tried that and clearly it didn’t work out well for me. The biggest thing that stands out to me is that I ate based on an immediate want and feeling. Such as, “That looks incredible and I know it tastes delicious! It won’t hurt to just have one slice.” Instead on acting immediately, I need to stop and probably even walk away. Give myself time to challenge and think about what I should do versus what I want to do (which is eat the cake!). I would guess stopping to actually consider the consequences in conjunction with my will power will help me choose the right decision. This is a tool I have been taught but haven’t really put into action…well at least remain consistent in doing. Stop Challenge and Choose. It time for me to get to work, remain consistent, and keep my eye on the goal.This set back will not hold me back.

I have learned from this vacation that this journey isn’t about being perfect. It is about learning, growing, and working to better myself. I know that my life is changing, and I’m confident that my smile says it all.

Messy blessings,


Chapter 4: Change Is the Only Constant

Heraclitus said that “Change is the only constant.” Meaning change is the only thing we can be sure will happen. I have found this to be very true in my journey.

Change in food, behaviors, habits, appearance, portion size, and so on. I’m not complaining though. If anything, I have embraced it!

Change is the only thing we can be sure will happen.

I have even found joy in becoming a healthier version of myself. Yes, it is hard and sometimes I veer off plan, but each choice after that is a new choice! I also am starting to see results.

I stare at these pictures and I am reminded of how thankful I should be. I struggle with giving thanks. Small things I overlook giving credit to God. However, looking at these photos bring to mind this scripture:

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

Isaiah 43:19

I am reminded by this scripture that my Heavenly Father knows me. He knows my inner most being. He knows my thoughts and what is truly in my heart. He knows the struggles I face and the temptations that plague me. It is in this scripture and the above photos where I see God’s hand in my journey. I have struggled with my weight for nine years. I have had to overcome many hardships in my life during this time and I used food to comfort me. God put this opportunity in front of me and I chose to follow. He is making me new in a different way now, and for that I am so incredibly thankful!

Lord, you have examined me and you know me. You know everything I do; from far away you understand all my thoughts. You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions. Even before I speak, you already now what I will say. You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power. Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding.

Psalm 139:1-6 NLT

I mentioned how I have moments where I veer off plan. I still struggle on certain days. I am still trying to overcome my poor habit of binge eating in the evenings. It isn’t a nightly occurrence, and I am aware of what triggers this behavior (which is an accomplishment in itself!). Maybe you can relate? Boredom, stress, and staying up late are what trigger me. I tell myself I am hungry. Let me repeat that… I tell myself I am hungry. My body isn’t telling me, but my mind. If I were to listen to my body, it would tell me drink more water, lets get up and move, or simply time for bed. Listening to my body versus my mind is a big component of this weight loss journey.

Today I feel hungrier than I should. I am guessing I kicked myself out of fat burn because of my binge, but that is ok. Why? Because today is a new day and I am choosing to make better choices. That is progress.. that is a change from who I was when I started this journey, to who I am today, and who I will become.

Because change.. is the only constant in life.

Messy Blessings,