I Did Not Sign Up for This

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I like a routine. I function at my best when I have a schedule of some sort. My house is more in order, the boys know what is coming next, and on the good days I don’t have to argue with my eight year old that it is shower night.

What I didn’t sign up for was having a schedule that is well..completely blown up. I am trying to navigate through e-learning. I enjoy watching the boys and how they learn and study, but there are some things that leave all of us pulling out our hair! A prime example is 3rd grade math where I find myself saying, “I know what the answer is, but I have no idea how or why you have to find it using that way!” I guess I’m old school.

I have given up trying to stick with a bedtime, and why should it matter anyway? I have no clue what day it is. It feels like a long and never ending weekend. A week(end) where we can’t go and do anything. We are limited to our home or taking a walk. Sounds great and sometimes it works, but have you ever tried getting a teenager to take a walk? I end up wanting to go on my own after that conversation.

It may sound like I am complaining, but stick with me here. There are so many people who are without work right now or laid off (my other half being one of them). There are people who are sick and those who have lost their lives. I hope and pray that healing comes quickly, and one day soon things in our world will get back to normal.

In the mean time, this is what I have learned.. it’s ok to not have a routine. There is freedom in not having control over every detail of your life. I have played more board and card games than I have since I was a child. Watching movies, camp ins in the living room, baking cakes (and eating every slice in 24 hours), video games, wrestling matches, and even science projects. If I had my normal routine, I’m not so sure these things would have happened. It has forced us to slow down and enjoy the simple things in life.

There is freedom in not having control over every detail of your life..

So although I didn’t sign up for this, I am incredibly thankful for the memories and blessings that have come from this. After all..

..some of the best memories can come from life’s most difficult challenges.

Messy blessings,

Misty

My Messy Blessed Life

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Life doesn’t always end up like you expect. The choices we make and the consequences that follow can either enhance your life, or they can cause you to take a major step back to work on yourself. The latter is what I have been doing.

I am navigating through a divorce. I’m sure that comes as a shock for some of you that follow my blog. I thought my marriage was restored and I wanted it to be restored. I tried, as did he, but in the end it was too late. I also had fallen in love with someone else, and we have been in a relationship for the past year.

Needless to say, this last year has been incredibly difficult. There is a reason scripture says that God hates divorce. 

I hate divorce, says the Lord, God of Israel. I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife. – Malachi 2:16 (GNB)

Divorce rips apart family, friends, and children. It is ugly and painful. Bitterness, resentment, and anger start to take root in your heart, and if your are not careful, those three things will spread and contaminate all aspects of your life. I have experienced great shame and guilt that I continue to struggle with because of the choices I have made. I am finding that the only way for me to try to forgive myself, is accepting the forgiveness that God has already given me. It is a process.

I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins. – Isaiah 43:25 (ESV)

I tried to be as transparent as I could be in my prior posts, and yet I held back the deep and dark secrets of my heart. I cannot fully express how sorry I am, and I humbly ask for your forgiveness. 

I mentioned earlier that I took a major step back and worked on myself. I was diagnosed with a mental illness in April 2019, and since that time, I have been in therapy. Therapy was a long time coming, and I should have taken that step years ago. I am finally able to start working through my childhood, past traumas, and life as it is today. My plan is to share some of my journey with you.

I have revamped this blog, and will share and discuss numerous topics. I originally started to create a new blog entirely. I found myself having a mental block. Something just didn’t feel right. I didn’t know what I was going to do with Living By Grace. Finally, after talking with a dear friend, the answer was obvious.. I couldn’t delete my story.  No matter how things had turned out, or what I should have done or could have done, it was still my story. I wasn’t supposed to start over. I was called to continue sharing the messiness of life and all its blessings.  

..the answer was obvious. I couldn’t delete my story. No matter how things had turned out, or what I should have done or could have done, it was still my story. I wasn’t supposed to start over.

So now here I am, starting over in more ways than one, and excited to share and talk about life. Real life. Real struggles. Real blessings. I hope you will join me!

Messy blessings,

Misty