My goal, when starting this blog, was to post twice a week. This past week, however, no words came to my mind. I was on empty. I was depleted emotionally, mentally, and physically. I felt like I was drowning and no matter what I did…I just couldn’t get above water.
You would think, given what this blog is about, and with the online Bible study I lead, that I would turn to Jesus during this difficult time. I did not. I have a pretty good habit of turning away and going into my own bubble. A bubble where I do nothing. There were some days where I hardly ate, sleep was sporadic, and showering just took too much energy. I knew I had responsibilities that needed done, children and a husband to take care of, but I just couldn’t, and the guilt of that only added to the inner battle.
My husband, Jason, was concerned. He has been through this with me before, and not too many people know how bad my depression can be, or that I am even being treated for depression. He knows that the financial struggle we are going through is affecting me. It has never been a secret that I need to feel safe and secure. Friday, he started messaging me with scripture. I will admit, I was annoyed by it. I wanted nothing to do with it because I just didn’t see how that was going to help. I woke up this morning and re-read what he had sent……and it was like the fog had lifted.
These are the 2 scriptures he sent me:
Psalm 16:8 “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”
Matthew 17:20 “He replied, Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
I decided to open up my study journal…that I had gotten behind on this week. One of the reflection questions asked:
“There is no doubt that our lives are filled with visible and invisible battles. Looking at Ephesians 6:10-13, how are we to prepare for these battles?”
The passage is titled “The Armor of God”, and what spoke to me more was actually verses 14-15
“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”
Although my current battle is difficult and will take patience and perseverance; the one thing I am reminded of, thanks to my husband and to God’s Word, is that the very thing I need to do is cling to Jesus and His Word. Put on the Armor of God, open my Bible, mediate on scripture until it is written on my heart. Pray fervently…this storm will pass and God is using it to change me for the better.
By His grace,
**The current study I am doing is through http://www.lovegodgreatly.com, and is titled “David, His Story is Our Story”