My goal, when starting this blog, was to post twice a week. This past week, however, no words came to my mind. I was on empty. I was depleted emotionally, mentally, and physically. I felt like I was drowning and no matter what I did…I just couldn’t get above water.

You would think, given what this blog is about, and with the online Bible study I lead, that I would turn to Jesus during this difficult time. I did not. I have a pretty good habit of turning away and going into my own bubble. A bubble where I do nothing. There were some days where I hardly ate, sleep was sporadic, and showering just took too much energy. I knew I had responsibilities that needed done, children and a husband to take care of, but I just couldn’t, and the guilt of that only added to the inner battle.

My husband, Jason, was concerned. He has been through this with me before, and not too many people know how bad my depression can be, or that I am even being treated for depression. He knows that the financial struggle we are going through is affecting me. It has never been a secret that I need to feel safe and secure. Friday, he started messaging me with scripture. I will admit, I was annoyed by it. I wanted nothing to do with it because I just didn’t see how that was going to help. I woke up this morning and re-read what he had sent……and it was like the fog had lifted.

These are the 2 scriptures he sent me:

Psalm 16:8   “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

Matthew 17:20  “He replied, Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

I decided to open up my study journal…that I had gotten behind on this week. One of the reflection questions asked:

“There is no doubt that our lives are filled with visible and invisible battles. Looking at Ephesians 6:10-13, how are we to prepare for these battles?”

The passage is titled “The Armor of God”, and what spoke to me more was actually verses 14-15

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”

Although my current battle is difficult and will take patience and perseverance; the one thing I am reminded of, thanks to my husband and to God’s Word, is that the very thing I need to do is cling to Jesus and His Word. Put on the Armor of God, open my Bible, mediate on scripture until it is written on my heart. Pray fervently…this storm will pass and God is using it to change me for the better.

By His grace,

Misty

**The current study I am doing is through http://www.lovegodgreatly.com, and is titled “David, His Story is Our Story”

Do you ever have those kind of days when you wish you could just do it over? Yes? Well yesterday was one of those days…it was just terrible.

It started about 4:30 a.m. when my youngest crawled into bed with me. I proceeded to be kicked for the next 2 hours until we finally fell back asleep; such a deep sleep, in fact, that the boys and I didn’t wake up until 10. Now, for some of you parents out there, you may think that’s fantastic! You might say “I can’t remember the last time I slept until 10 with kids!!” Well…stay tuned….

I started breakfast, fixing one of the boy’s favorites, waffles. That’s when the complaining started, “I don’t want waffles, I want pancakes!”, “Mom, my waffles are cold!”….insert deep calming breath (the first of many and one of the few successful ones).  Over the next several hours, as I was trying to get my daily household responsibilities completed, I was also being a referee. My boys just would not get along. My 5 year old knows exactly what to do to push my 9 year olds buttons, and he does it quite well. My oldest, try as I might to guide him, ALWAYS retaliates, which usually ends up making his little brother cry…and this cycle repeats over and over and over.

Next comes the continue struggle of potty training, yes my 5 year old, still CHOOSES not to do #2 on the potty. Trust me, we have tried every method under the sun…it comes down to having a very strong willed son. He chose to use that strong will the entire day; he had no issue telling me ‘no’, running from me when he knew he was in trouble, and refused to clean up by having a full fledged kicking and yelling outburst. Yes, I immediately corrected him each time; and as this behavior continued throughout the day, I admit that my patience was starting to run very thin.

We finally head to my oldest son’s championship baseball game; after 10 mins of yelling: “Get your cleats on!”, “Unlock this bathroom door right now!”, “We’re going to be late if you two don’t hurry up!”. My son had an undefeated regular season, but unfortunately lost his championship game. He was bummed, but was happy his season was over. He has voiced over the last few weeks that he doesn’t want to play baseball anymore..will save that for another blog post. You would think it would be a quiet night, considering the day we had and the let down of the game, but no. I fixed dinner and within an hour of that I had lost it…I was done. Crazy mommy totally came out… and the boys were sent to bed a couple hours earlier than usual.

I sat on the couch for a while, checking my various social media accounts repeatedly, and then the guilt set in on what my part was in the day.

You see, I was so caught up in what I needed to get done around the house, was so irritated when I would be interrupted in checking my phone; that I missed that maybe my children’s consistent arguing was because they simply wanted my attention….and I gave them some…my anger.

I am reminded that life is fleeting; and there will come a time when they will be too busy doing their own thing, and I will miss these Summer days when I was home with them. I don’t want to waist this time and leave memories that ‘mommy was too busy on her phone and cleaning the house to play with us’…

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing. – Psalms 127:3

I woke up extra early today, no reason, I just had this feeling that it’s time to get up. I headed downstairs, made my husband his lunch and a cup of coffee, and kissed him goodbye as he headed to work. I then fixed myself a cup of coffee and sat down, opened my Bible, and spent some time with the Lord. My youngest woke up first, was so happy to see me and give me a morning hug. I spent the morning just talking to him. Our county fair is in town and he is very excited. Shortly after, my oldest woke up, and curled up on my lap. We sat there awhile, just snuggling. I fixed their breakfast….

Today….is a new day.

By His grace,

Misty

I titled my blog Living by Grace as a Woman, Wife, and Mommy; so how fitting to talk about being a wife with Father’s Day coming up.

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have been blessed with two amazing sons and suffered a miscarriage during these 12 years. We have had incredible highs, and some lowest of lows; but one thing I know for certain, is that I have a great man of faith as the leader of our household.

Jason, did not sign up for this blog, and he did not sign up for the journey God is taking me on. He has had some hesitation and some valid concerns; ones that I did not consider when diving into this. I am being transparent about my life, my struggles, and joys and all those thing involve my husband and our family; and yet, he is stepping out in faith and being the husband Ephesians 5:25-28 says he should be:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

I hit rock bottom a few years ago, and Jason refused to leave my side. He leaned on Jesus during that time, and prayed diligently for me and our marriage. He  forgave me over and over and extended more grace to me than I deserved. He modeled what true forgiveness and unconditional love was, and made me a stronger woman, wife, and mother in doing so.

“If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent-not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” -2 Corinthians 2:5-7

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” -Matthew 18:21-22

This is the forgiveness that Jason extended to me. He became my rock, and God used him to lead me back to Him and my marriage.

I could not ask for a better father for our children. I thank his parents for that. His parents have been married for over 50 years and have raised 8 children, Jason being the youngest. The amount of love and respect he shows his parents is one of the many things that attracted me to Jason 16 years ago. I came from a divorced family and with that came a different perspective on marriage and family unity.

Jason is an ever present father. He loves his boys and shows affection to them daily. He has the right balance between fun and discipline. He currently is working two jobs to provide for them and me. Our boys respect their daddy, and think he is the funniest and goofiest man on the planet! The best way to describe what type of son and father Jason is, is through scripture:

“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’-which is the first commandment with a promise-‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:1-4

Jason, thank you. I don’t say that often enough. I sometimes feel that you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve; and I realize that is because you are a man of humility and incredibly selfless. You are like your father in that way. I know sometimes you doubt your faith and if you are “living up” to expectations. That is why I am dedicating this post to you. You are being the man God is calling you to be by your actions, support, unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace that you extend to all of us. Thank you for showing me what family means, thank you for modeling what a man of strength, faith, and character looks like to our boys, and thank you for making me a better woman by your leadership.

I love you. Happy Father’s Day.

By His Grace,

Your wife, Misty