** Poem written by myself a few years ago.
My vicious circle. The circle that I continue to repeat and wrongly assume that, just because I am a Christian, I won’t face these ups and downs of life.
I started a new Bible study this past week titled ‘You Are Forgiven’. The timing of this study couldn’t be better….because I was in the tail end of my circle. My circle goes like this:
Spending time in God’s Word…..Obedience to His ways and will….Then “life happens”….. I pull away…..Defeated…. Surrender and back to spending time in God’s Word
Does this sound familiar to anyone else? A dear friend said it best earlier this week. She said,
“Spending time in God’s Word is the exercise for our spiritual health; just like exercising is to our physical health.”
I have always tried to be as transparent as I can; and still respect the privacy of my loved ones that may be involved in the highs and lows of my life. I will confess that the last month has not been good for me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically. I was starting to make important decisions with my heart and emotions that were all over the place…. then this scripture popped up in this weeks study:
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ~ Jeremiah 17:9
There I was…in the middle of a Bible study…actively making poor choices by “following my heart” and trying to atone for my sins by telling myself that “I’m at least in His word” and “I’m leading this Bible study so my poor choices can’t be that bad.”
I had turned from what He had taught me. My heart has to be aligned with the Lord and His teachings or it just can not be trusted.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I can not carry it out.~ Romans 7:18
I understand completely what the Apostle Paul meant… Try as I might, I can not defeat the enemies attacks on my own. If I rely on my own human strength, it fails me, and I choose wrongly. I know this because I have also turned from worldly temptations BECAUSE of relying on the Lord’s strength.
I’ve posted on trying to find my new norm. I am trying to find out who Misty is now that both of my children are in school. I’ve been going at this the wrong way. I have looked at this journey from my human perspective; and through those glasses, it has been a negative. Instead, I should look with excitement to what this journey will be; what does the Lord have instore for me next?? My identity has not changed with Him… I am His daughter. I am the daughter of the one true King… He’s got this.