Stepping Out Through Anxiety

I never knew why I would want to break plans last minute. I could have had these plans for a few days, weeks, or even months. It really didn’t matter. I would come up with a lame excuse or have a legitimate reason and feel relieved that I could cancel. It wasn’t because I was a recluse but it ran deeper than that. I have anxiety. So when I have plans with others, this is what my internal dialogue looks like:

I can’t go because they are prettier and in better shape than me. Everyone will look at me as the fat friend who let herself go.

I can’t go because they have their lives all together and mine has been a hot mess the last few years.

I can’t go because I’m the outsider and they are so much closer to one another.

I can’t go because they probably talk about me when I go to the restroom.

I can’t go because they are judging me, my choices, and they don’t trust me.

These are excuses that go on repeat leading up to the plans. The thing is, I doubt any of them are true, but I work myself up that my heart races, breathing quickens, and my stomach hurts. So..I cancel. I would rather stay home then put myself in that position..position being the made up lies I have been telling myself.

As a result, it actually makes it worse. I then start to think that they won’t want to be my friends because I always cancel or I’m not a good friend. In reality, I want nothing more than to have that connection, but the anxiety paralysis me, and I just can’t go. It is hard for those who don’t have anxiety to fully understand (or they do understand and my mind is trying to convince me they don’t. It’s a vicious cycle!).

This past week I was invited to go to dinner with some friends that I haven’t seen in awhile. I was thrilled that I got an invite because I had missed them. I was fine until the day of and the above dialogue started to torment me. By that afternoon, I was ready to cancel. I had a legitimate reason that I could, but I knew the real reason was because of my anxiety. I had a choice to make. Either I let my anxiety win or step out through my anxiety. I chose to step through.

I was no longer going to give my anxiety the power to prevent me from having connection with others. I desired to feel connected, and friendship provides a beautiful relationship that helps a person thrive.

Living By Grace

Stepping through my anxiety gave me a fun and entertaining night to say the least. Not once did those negative thoughts creep into my mind. I embraced the friendships I had with those ladies and allowed myself to have some fun and reconnect. Reconnect with those I love dearly and with myself. I was no longer going to give my anxiety the power to prevent me from having connection with others. I desired to feel connected, and friendship provides a beautiful relationship that helps a person thrive.

If you have anxiety and yearn to feel connected again, I encourage you to step out through that anxiety and seize the moment. You may not always be able to, but the moments you do will be incredibly worth it!

Misty

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s