I need to confess. I am self-seeking and selfish. There…I said it.

It has taken me years to finally admit this. I have spent quite a bit of time making excuses and justifying my choices in life. I had become a pro at casting blame and pointing fingers at everyone around me BUT myself.

Self-seeking: the seeking of one’s own interest or selfish ends

Selfish: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

You see, as I became older and started a family, my life perspective started to shift. I became more aware of my past pain and struggles. My husband, our 6 month old baby, and myself decided to move back to our hometown. There were many benefits to this, but also some major cons….my past hit me in the face.

I found myself face to face with the expectation that I was the same Misty that had left 7 years ago. Some of these expectations came from family and friends, but some were ones I had placed on myself. The truth was, I had changed in so many ways. I pretty much left my hometown within months of graduating high school. I had started dating Jason and found that I had met a man who basically was the total opposite of guys I had dated in the past, and married him 🙂 . I had a great job that I loved, met new friends, and had become active in a local church and their dance ministry. I felt like I had found who I was to be…who God had called me to be.

So there I was, living in my hometown, and the trials of life came. I started going back to my past and ways of thinking; after all, this is who I thought people expected me to be. I started responding to the valleys of life by lashing out in anger, casting blame, and going through the “what ifs”.

I became numb. Numb to those who loved me, and numb to God’s love.

I became impatient with life, rude, arrogant, and entitled. I thought that I deserved and had the right to make these choices because I wasn’t getting what I needed…or wanted…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (NIV)

1. Because something has changed in me this week. The same fervent prayer that I have been praying for 2 years is being answered. The Lord has become my strength and I have allowed Him to remove my burden. I have made the choice to allow His Will to be done and not my own.
2.  My facebook feed and the upcoming elections. I have been in some healthy and mature debates this week; but I have been fortunate. I have seen many other posts that are anything but that.

I’ve shared this as a reminder. These verses have spoken to me in my personal life, which is why I shared a glimpse of it; as well as, helped me see things differently out in the ‘world’. We all have a choice. We all have free will. We can choose to only follow God’s Word when it benefits us or our stances -OR- we can choose to live out God’s Word in EVERY  area of our lives. 

I have surrendered myself to the Lord. All my past mistakes, anger, bitterness, pain has been given to Him. I want to show Jesus’ love by being patient and kind, not easily angered, stop keeping records of wrongs… and no longer be self-seeking.

…………..What would our lives, nation and world be like?

By His Grace,

Misty

If you have been following my blog, you are probably wondering why I am writing about sports! I titled my blog Living by Grace because I am in need of the Lord’s grace in ALL areas of my life; and that includes being a wife to a volunteer youth football coach.

It can be incredibly difficult to sit on the sidelines and have to observe and over hear the negative comments about coaching decisions and the character of my husband, as well as, the other coaches. All I want to do is cheer on my 9 year old son and his teammates. I want to see each and every player improve and find the love for the game. I want them to  learn respect, discipline, endurance, hard work, and to never give up. Unfortunately, it seems not all youth sport parents have that same desire or fail to realize their actions and choices go against the very thing they want their children to learn.

Let me first share some things about Goliath, for those who may not be familiar. You can find David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17:

“A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall……. Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, ‘Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us.’….For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand. “

Goliath was good with his weapons and had not been defeated. I would say he even had great knowledge of war and how to win; BUT, Goliath was also a bully. He believed the louder he would get, the more threats he would make, and the more followers he had behind him, would guarantee his victory.

Now lets take a look at David:

“Now David was the son of an Ephrathite named Jesse….Jesse had eight sons…..David was the youngest. The three oldest followed Saul, but David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father’s sheep at Bethlehem….Early in the morning David left the flock with a shepherd, loaded up and set out, as Jesse had directed. He reached the camp as the army was going out to its battle positions, shouting the war cry… David asked the men standing near him, ‘What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?’ “

David was a shepherd. He was in charge of leading and taking care of the sheep in the pasture. He was the youngest and most thought he was probably the least experienced in war; BUT, David worshiped the living God. He believed that with God on your side, nothing is impossible.

We live in a world where people have become apathetic to those around us. We are too busy “being right” or “knowing more”. We can be so blinded by these two things that we forget that we have little eyes watching us.

Are parents the new Goliath of youth sports?

We teach our children to respect others and those in authority, to be kind to others, never give up, and why hard work and discipline is so important. Each of these things are what our children are going to need to survive in the world; but as parents of children in youth sports, have we forgotten what those very things mean??

• Respect for others and those in authority– Are we teaching our children this if we are sitting on the sidelines constantly questioning play calls and the coaches? How do you expect your child to listen and respect a coach if you are pulling them aside and telling them to do the exact opposite of what the coach is instructing them? I have witnessed these very things and yet hear parents ask why children these days don’t respect authority.

• Being kind to others– Golden rule isn’t it? Treat others the way you want to be treated. We want our children to resolve conflict in a mature manner…. then that must be demonstrated. That is not done so by choosing to voice your opinion during a game or after a game when your emotions aren’t under control, and our children are present. Aren’t you showing your children and those around you that if you make a scene you might get your way?

• Never give up– Lets be honest. Not all of us are gifted with talent in certain areas. Some of us have to work harder than others. That is life, but if things aren’t going our way, we don’t just pack it all in and leave. We don’t stop attending practices or showing up to games. What is that saying to your children? If you aren’t the best then you shouldn’t even try….or what does that say to your teammates?

• Hard work and discipline– You know the saying, practice makes perfect? Well, I agree with it. This really ties into never giving up. In order to improve, you must show up, listen, be attentive, and work hard; that includes if you’re on the sidelines waiting to be called up. How are we teaching our children these things? Do we make excuses for our children or blame the coaches? Do we put more emphasis on our own “coaching” outside of the practices lead by those who volunteered their time to teach our children?

I’m not saying all coaches have it right, and I’m not saying all parents have this Goliath mentality. I am saying, as a coaches wife and the mother of a youth athlete, that enough is enough. Remember that these coaches are human and volunteers; as well as, fathers to some of the children who are watching you. Remember that our children are there to have fun and play a game they enjoy.

I suppose I should end with how things turned out with David and Goliath:

“David said to Saul, ‘Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.’ Saul replied, ‘ You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth.But David said to Saul….’The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.’……..David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.’ As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face down on the ground.”

David defeated the Giant. He defeated the bully. He did that by having complete faith in the Lord; by believing the Lord would deliver him from the hands of the giant he was facing. David was a man of character who did not let the lies of an individual replace the truths of the Almighty Lord.

I will say that I know my husband better than anyone; and especially better than anyone sitting on a sideline. I also know the other volunteer coaches fairly well. I could not ask for better men of character to lead our children and youth. They chose to do so because they love the game and have a desire to teach that to children.  So my final questions are these….

Are you a Goliath? or are you a David? 

Living by Grace

Misty (aka Proud Coach’s Wife )

I was sitting in church on Sunday, watching the youth put on their annual puppet show. My husband nudged me, and as I looked over, I saw where our youngest had grabbed both of his daddy’s hands and was holding them, as he intently watched the show.

It’s still sometimes strange to me when scripture just enters my mind during certain moments. It is something I am slowly getting used to; and it was at this moment, seeing my son clasp his daddy’s hands, that this scripture came to my mind:

Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their lives. ~Proverbs 22:6

We finally were back at church as a family of four. My husband had this Sunday off and was able to watch my oldest perform in the puppet show. I still try, on most Sundays, to take the boys to church; but last week my oldest said he didn’t want to go without daddy. He said he liked going to church as an entire family.

I realized just how important of a part my husband plays in the spiritual growth of our boy’s and our family. The boy’s look to him for guidance, love, encouragement, and support; and  they receive every bit of that from their father. However, they also look to him to see how he uses his faith in every day living and if he puts God above all things. (I’m not saying I’m exempt from setting this example. I am also instructed by God to lead by example; but there is just a different connection with the same-sex parent.)  Those little men are watching every move, they hear every word spoken, they feel every mood we put off as parents, and they see our choices and who we put first.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. ~Deuteronomy 6:5-9

-Are we putting the Lord above all things?  Read the Bible together as a family, study scripture and ask questions. Start making choices that honor God.

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. ~Proverbs 1:8-9

-We must teach our children to listen and to respect us, as parents, and those in authority. One of the best ways of doing that is by setting the example.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4 

-We must show patience, grace, and love to our children. Although they may frustrate us to no end, we also must be quick to listen and slow to anger when teaching our children.

Each night, that my husband is home, he has devotion time with the boy’s and bedtime prayer. He doesn’t know, but sometimes I listen quietly by the door. It is in those moments where I feel God’s love being shown.

We are still a work in progress, but oh how blessed my little men are , to have not only a Heavenly Father watching and guiding them; but also an earthly father, who is doing everything he can to teach them God’s love and way, to live a life honoring Him.

By His grace,

Misty