Confession

I need to confess. I am self-seeking and selfish. There…I said it.

It has taken me years to finally admit this. I have spent quite a bit of time making excuses and justifying my choices in life. I had become a pro at casting blame and pointing fingers at everyone around me BUT myself.

Self-seeking: the seeking of one’s own interest or selfish ends

Selfish: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

You see, as I became older and started a family, my life perspective started to shift. I became more aware of my past pain and struggles. My husband, our 6 month old baby, and myself decided to move back to our hometown. There were many benefits to this, but also some major cons….my past hit me in the face.

I found myself face to face with the expectation that I was the same Misty that had left 7 years ago. Some of these expectations came from family and friends, but some were ones I had placed on myself. The truth was, I had changed in so many ways. I pretty much left my hometown within months of graduating high school. I had started dating Jason and found that I had met a man who basically was the total opposite of guys I had dated in the past, and married him 🙂 . I had a great job that I loved, met new friends, and had become active in a local church and their dance ministry. I felt like I had found who I was to be…who God had called me to be.

So there I was, living in my hometown, and the trials of life came. I started going back to my past and ways of thinking; after all, this is who I thought people expected me to be. I started responding to the valleys of life by lashing out in anger, casting blame, and going through the “what ifs”.

I became numb. Numb to those who loved me, and numb to God’s love.

I became impatient with life, rude, arrogant, and entitled. I thought that I deserved and had the right to make these choices because I wasn’t getting what I needed…or wanted…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (NIV)
This was the scripture reading for today’s Bible study. I read these popular verses with new eyes. Why? Two reasons:
  1. Because something has changed in me this week. The same fervent prayer that I have been praying for 2 years is being answered. The Lord has become my strength and I have allowed Him to remove my burden. I have made the choice to allow His Will to be done and not my own.
  2.  My facebook feed and the upcoming elections. I have been in some healthy and mature debates this week; but I have been fortunate. I have seen many other posts that are anything but that.

I’ve shared this as a reminder. These verses have spoken to me in my personal life, which is why I shared a glimpse of it; as well as, helped me see things differently out in the ‘world’. We all have a choice. We all have free will. We can choose to only follow God’s Word when it benefits us or our stances -OR- we can choose to live out God’s Word in EVERY  area of our lives. 

I have surrendered myself to the Lord. All my past mistakes, anger, bitterness, pain has been given to Him. I want to show Jesus’ love by being patient and kind, not easily angered, stop keeping records of wrongs… and no longer be self-seeking.

…………..What would our lives, nation and world be like?

By His Grace,

Misty

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