My last post was in March, and there are reasons for that…..those reasons are summed up in these nine pictures. The nine pictures that have shaped 2017, and have caused me to sit here, on New Years Eve, and wonder what changes are before me in 2018.

This past year has brought great loss. The hope of adding to our family was lost on New Years Day 2017; and shortly there after, I lost my father-in-law. This past Summer, our beloved fur baby, Bennett, had to be put down due to his progressive cancer. The hits didn’t stop there…. I also had to end friendships and relationships that had grown toxic. I have had other relationships that have suffered a great deal with trust and uncertainty.

Life lesson of 2017:  No matter how flat you make a pancake, there are always two sides. Best to hear both sides before making a decision.

In the midst of all of that, my oldest son suffered a seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy. We had to adjust to a new medication and a change in sports…. although I think for Noah, giving up football was harder than taking daily medication…(for his momma too!)

Medical bills, vehicle and home repairs have all mounted up.  My husband quit his part time job to be home more, and we decided to continue with me staying home. Sure, we have had help from family and friends; and yes, we have heard the gossip about how I need to get a job and shouldn’t be receiving help from others. While I would be lying if I said those comments didn’t hurt, the fact remains that I do have a job….it just doesn’t pay me in cash. We have fallen on hard times, just like everyone else I know has at some point or another.

Life lesson of 2017:  It is better to choose love, instead of casting judgement. It’s not your place to judge….period.

Although, the year had many lows, there were some definite positives too! Our family was introduced to a new sport….. SOCCER. Noah played Spring and Fall travel soccer, and LOVED it. It brought joy seeing him fall in love with another sport. Noah also had hist first year at playing basketball, both for his school and a travel league. Nathan played baseball this past Spring, and as it turns out, he’s a little slugger. He also played soccer this Fall. Our family also started a new tradition, and attended our first Indians game on July 4th.

I have also spent more time with my grandma this past year. Her health is declining, and we have experienced some scary moments, but I still get to hear her say I love you and put my arms around her.

I placed a family photo, taken at church on Christmas Eve, in the middle of the collage because it represents so many things.

• I finally made it back to church. I can count on one hand the number of times I went to church this past year.
• It shows my family, that despite what life has thrown at us this past year, we are still standing.
• It shows change… 

I can’t predict what changes will continue to come in 2018. I know that all the events of 2017 have molded and shaped me into a different person. I have learned from these experiences and know that some things will just never be the same. I have work to do on myself.

The one thing I will always have is HOPE. I almost let that go this past year. I am incredibly thankful for those who refused to allow me to give up. You have helped me during moments that seemed terribly dark. I thank you for that.  Your love and support helped remind me that going forward, I will trust in Him… and rest in His love, mercy, and grace.

Come what may 2018…..

By His grace,

Misty

I can’t help but just stare. I stare at it and feel excitement, joy, stress, and slightly conflicted.  I am staring at my calendar……and it is only March.

Spring helps shed the Winter blues, and it gets my family out of the house for some fresh air!! We start to become physically active again (Lord knows I need some exercise) and start to plan family vacations and celebrations. We are entering the season of busyness for the Lee family. This year seems to have gotten even crazier….

I will be learning how to be at two places at the same time. March is filled with basketball clinics, football conditioning, soccer practices, after school activities, and we will soon be adding baseball to the mix. I now know why my husband was so adamant about getting a mini van….. because we will be basically living in it through the Fall! (Yes, I said Fall…4H, VBS, church camp, sports camps, football….)

I am excited though. My oldest is trying a new sport that he has shown great interest in playing. Although, it was a little tense the last few weeks with dad accepting he wasn’t playing baseball 🙂 Our youngest can’t wait for baseball to start and is excited for his basketball clinics coming up. I find great joy in watching my children learn, try new things, and have fun.

I am stressed. My husband works two jobs, so the majority of this rests on me. I see where we are choosing to give up most of our evenings and weekends for sports and other activities and it leads me to why I am conflicted…

I ask myself, “Are we making time to practice our faith? Are we teaching by example that the Lord comes first…even before kickoff?”

I have been guilty of judging those who miss church or leave early due to sports. Who don’t have time for small groups because they have so many practices. Churches as a whole are seeing a decline in young adult/young families. Church has been replaced with….(insert current sport.) Now here I am saying…. I totally get it. I am now the parent having to choose and create room.  I want to stand up and say “If enough parents start saying no to sports on Sundays  then maybe things will change!” However, that is just not the reality.

I believe that God just wants a relationship with us. He wants us to put Him first in all things. So what does that look like for a sports parent? Maybe it looks like….

• Family devotions before or on the way to a game
• Leaving a little bit early to attend a church service in the town you are traveling to
• Hosting your own small group
• It might even mean saying no to a game

Like everything else in life, things change. Sundays are no longer set aside for church and family. So, I will leave you with these questions:

What does it look like to put God first? Do we have to sit in a pew every Sunday to make the cut?

By His grace,

Misty

 

Is it? What about the moments that I don’t have a choice? What about the times when life happened, and I don’t know what I did wrong or if I could have changed things? I have no control over what others think, say, feel, or what actions they choose to do. I only have myself.

I am coming out of a very rough and heartbreaking season. I sit here at my computer, listening to Adele, and wanting to just scream. I want to step outside and fill my lungs with air…I want to feel like I can breathe. Breathe…I feel like I have been holding my breath for months. 

One would think, that as a Christian, I would be taking this time to cling to God; and there was a moment that I was doing just that. I am human though.  Recently, I have started to embrace the numbness. Plastering on that happy face and hiding behind the facade that I am okay. The reality….I have started to withdraw and I don’t know how to climb out of this season.

I have stopped contributing my own thoughts in my Bible study, I haven’t attended church since Christmas Day, I have stopped reaching out to friends, I have disengaged at home…the list seems endless. This could be rationalized that I am still in mourning. I went through a miscarriage that lasted much longer than what I was prepared for; and when I finally received the call that physically it was over…three days later I was at my father-in-laws bedside watching him on his journey Home. So, maybe I am in part.

I have spent a great deal, of my short life of 34 years, suppressing my true feelings. Yes, there have been times when it became too much of a burden and I let myself unleash. That is never pretty, and I end up hurting those I love. That is not who I want to be or do.

I tell myself that I have to be strong…don’t let them see your pain. You will look weak or crazy. I have found that by doing that, I come across as selfish or cold.

The REAL stuff,  is not seen on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat… those are just flashes of happiness. I ask myself what would my social media look like if I was real…if we all were real. Not real in calling out those who have hurt us, bashing others faults, or spewing whatever comes to our minds…. Real that we look within our imperfect selves, our own faults, struggles, bad choices and reach out to others and say “I’ve been there, and I see your pain.”

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while there is still a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. -Matthew 7:4-5

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. -1 Peter 3:8

Life can be hard and messy. Maybe the lesson for me, in this season, is finding that it is okay to be raw and vulnerable and to honestly say…. I am not okay.

By His grace,

Misty