A note to the reader:

I published this post on November 13, 2016. At that time, our country was divided over the Presidential selections. Now, 4 years later, we are in the same condition. Divided.

Thank you for reading. – Misty

The last two days I have been glancing at my computer and trying to ignore the nudge of writing on my blog. I usually use this as an outlet for my feelings, circumstances, frustrations, basically a journal of my life. So, it is curious as to why I could not bring myself to the keyboard.

This week has been a rough one in my country. I have found it so incredibly difficult to put into words how I am feeling, my fears, and my hopes. It almost seems impossible to express anything on social media, despite the best intentions, without having the wolves come at you. Honestly, I’m typing this now without a clue as to the title and after sending up a prayer for the Lord’s guidance in what I type and that it may glorify Him.

The scripture read today at church came from Luke 6:35-38:

“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”(emphasis added)

My pastor spoke about the current protests going on in our country, as well as, the fear among our fellow neighbors. How even, in the small farming community I live, there are families who have sought out our church to see if we could be a safe haven for them. They are scared.

The above scripture is a call to Christians; but it goes even beyond that. Although, I am a Christian and believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior, I know there are those out there who do not have my belief system. I know some of these people personally, they are my friends and family, and I love them very much. They also, are great, loving and compassionate people.

I believe it is a call to humanity to love your enemies, lend and give to them without expecting any thing in return. We all should be merciful. We should not judge or condemn and we all need to forgive. 

The rhetoric between Americans, on both sides, is deplorable. The protests that are anything but peaceful, are wrong. The name calling of ‘cry babies’ and telling those who are legitimately hurting to ‘suck it up’, is wrong. The continued sharing of memes disrespecting our current president and our president-elect is wrong. The list can go on and on and on. Not one of these behaviors glorify our Lord. Not one of these behaviors show people God’s love.

It doesn’t matter who you supported and your reasons behind it. It doesn’t matter who won or who didn’t win. Why? Because NOONE can control how you respond to someone else, except you. Your behaviors, actions, words, and responses only speak to your own character and where your heart lies. 

I pray for healing for our nation. I pray for the hateful words to cease and be replaced by words of encouragement and love. I pray that we stop pointing fingers and casting out judgments and instead start opening our minds, hearts, and arms to people in our communities.

I am going to end with extending the earlier scripture and using The Message version. This is Luke 6: 27-38:

“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that. 

I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind. Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don’t condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing.

Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity.”

Call this a follow up to a previous blog, an apology post, or my therapy session; it doesn’t really matter at this point, I just need to write about it.

You may recall my post, “Are Parents the New Goliath of Youth Sports?”, if not, then you may want to read it before this one. Why? Because I feel like I had the Goliath moment, and I am not proud of it.

So here comes the story that makes me human, who isn’t perfect, in need of forgiveness, and is asking for just that…..

Our last game of the season had just ended; and like every other game, the team meets with the coaches for final thoughts. I was all smiles in that moment. We had lost, but the last two games our boys had played were the best of the entire season. These kids had played their hearts out. I was proud of each of them and was taking some last minute pictures of the team as they took a knee.

The team and coaches finally broke apart and the kids started to disperse to their parents. A few parents offered handshakes to the coaches; this was a nice moment. This season had been difficult as a parent and coach’s wife. It wasn’t because of our record or any of the kids… it was difficult because of a few parents. I had prided myself on holding my tongue the last four months because that was a huge accomplishment for me. I have always struggled with keeping my emotions in check! I also refused to stoop to that level…or did.

Here comes the ugly part….

As I was standing there, waiting on my husband and two boys, and watching the handshakes; a parent took that moment to confront one of the coaches about something I was unaware had taken place during the game. All I saw, was my two sons standing there, and the coach being confronted, who was holding his own child. I truly had the best intentions. I asked them to stop it… to just stop. That there were kids around and if they need to talk to a coach to take it some place away from the kids. I even said ‘shame on all you adults’. Well….lets just say I was then the target. I stooped to their level and lost my cool. I called the family a name and said that they should move on from the program.  Words were exchanged, two men actually postured up to me, and my husband had to step in between only to be threatened.

I broke on the ride home….not because of what a few people said to me; but because how I responded was wrong and my children and other families witnessed it all. I have taught my children the importance of respect, kindness, extending grace and forgiveness, and keeping anger in check.

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. -Proverbs 29:11

Although my intentions were good, I allowed my anger to speak for me… four months worth, in fact. As I let the sobs out, my oldest reached forward from the backseat and put his arms around me. I apologized to him. I told him I was sorry for what I had said and what he had witnessed, and I asked for his forgiveness. My nine year old, who is wise beyond his years, said

“Mommy, I forgive you. You did the right thing. You saw someone being bullied and wanted to protect them. I am not going to let you go mommy.”

I was overwhelmed in that moment. Later, I spoke to my son again, and explained that even when standing up for someone, you must not give into your anger.

This morning I woke up to my inner negative dialog. The one telling me that I’m not worthy…look at what you did…you should be ashamed. Normally, I would grab a blanket and a bag of chips, and allow those lies to wash over me the entire day. I asked myself, ‘Can I get a do over?’ That’s when I realized, I can.

I went to my Holy Father. I actually humbled myself before the Lord and knelt down with my head in my hands. I asked for His forgiveness, I forgave those involved, and I prayed that they would find it in their hearts to forgive me. The weight lifted and I felt the sense of warmth surround me…almost like a hug.

My do over happened the moment God allowed me another day. Another day to do better.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. -James 4:10

By His grace,

Misty

I need to confess. I am self-seeking and selfish. There…I said it.

It has taken me years to finally admit this. I have spent quite a bit of time making excuses and justifying my choices in life. I had become a pro at casting blame and pointing fingers at everyone around me BUT myself.

Self-seeking: the seeking of one’s own interest or selfish ends

Selfish: lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

You see, as I became older and started a family, my life perspective started to shift. I became more aware of my past pain and struggles. My husband, our 6 month old baby, and myself decided to move back to our hometown. There were many benefits to this, but also some major cons….my past hit me in the face.

I found myself face to face with the expectation that I was the same Misty that had left 7 years ago. Some of these expectations came from family and friends, but some were ones I had placed on myself. The truth was, I had changed in so many ways. I pretty much left my hometown within months of graduating high school. I had started dating Jason and found that I had met a man who basically was the total opposite of guys I had dated in the past, and married him 🙂 . I had a great job that I loved, met new friends, and had become active in a local church and their dance ministry. I felt like I had found who I was to be…who God had called me to be.

So there I was, living in my hometown, and the trials of life came. I started going back to my past and ways of thinking; after all, this is who I thought people expected me to be. I started responding to the valleys of life by lashing out in anger, casting blame, and going through the “what ifs”.

I became numb. Numb to those who loved me, and numb to God’s love.

I became impatient with life, rude, arrogant, and entitled. I thought that I deserved and had the right to make these choices because I wasn’t getting what I needed…or wanted…

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (NIV)

1. Because something has changed in me this week. The same fervent prayer that I have been praying for 2 years is being answered. The Lord has become my strength and I have allowed Him to remove my burden. I have made the choice to allow His Will to be done and not my own.
2.  My facebook feed and the upcoming elections. I have been in some healthy and mature debates this week; but I have been fortunate. I have seen many other posts that are anything but that.

I’ve shared this as a reminder. These verses have spoken to me in my personal life, which is why I shared a glimpse of it; as well as, helped me see things differently out in the ‘world’. We all have a choice. We all have free will. We can choose to only follow God’s Word when it benefits us or our stances -OR- we can choose to live out God’s Word in EVERY  area of our lives. 

I have surrendered myself to the Lord. All my past mistakes, anger, bitterness, pain has been given to Him. I want to show Jesus’ love by being patient and kind, not easily angered, stop keeping records of wrongs… and no longer be self-seeking.

…………..What would our lives, nation and world be like?

By His Grace,

Misty