** Poem written by myself a few years ago.

My vicious circle. The circle that I continue to repeat and wrongly assume that,  just because I am a Christian, I won’t face these ups and downs of life.

I started a new Bible study this past week titled ‘You Are Forgiven’. The timing of this study couldn’t be better….because I was in the tail end of my circle. My circle goes like this:

Spending time in God’s Word…..Obedience to His ways and will….Then “life happens”….. I pull away…..Defeated…. Surrender and back to spending time in God’s Word

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? A dear friend said it best earlier this week. She said,

“Spending time in God’s Word is the exercise for our spiritual health; just like exercising is to our physical health.”

I have always tried to be as transparent as I can; and still respect the privacy of my loved ones that may be involved in the highs and lows of my life. I will confess that the last month has not been good for me spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically. I was starting to make important decisions with my heart and emotions that were all over the place…. then this scripture popped up in this weeks study:

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ~ Jeremiah 17:9

There I was…in the middle of a Bible study…actively making poor choices by “following my heart” and trying to atone for my sins by telling myself that “I’m at least in His word” and “I’m leading this Bible study so my poor choices can’t be that bad.”

***insert Godsmack

I had turned from what He had taught me. My heart has to be aligned with the Lord and His teachings or it just can not be trusted.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I can not carry it out.~ Romans 7:18

I understand completely what the Apostle Paul meant… Try as I might, I can not defeat the enemies attacks on my own. If I rely on my own human strength, it fails me, and I choose wrongly. I know this because I have also turned from worldly temptations BECAUSE of relying on the Lord’s strength.

I’ve posted on trying to find my new norm. I am trying to find out who Misty is now that both of my children are in school. I’ve been going at this the wrong way. I have looked at this journey from my human perspective; and through those glasses, it has been a negative. Instead, I should look with excitement to what this journey will be; what does the Lord have instore for me next?? My identity has not changed with Him… I am His daughter. I am the daughter of the one true King… He’s got this.

It has been a minute since my last blog post. In part, it is because my family has been busy wrapping up our Summer and getting ready for the new school year. However, most of you that follow know that I try to be as transparent as I can, and I will admit that I have just not had it in me to post.

My baby, has officially started kindergarten.

I’m left asking myself, now what? I have been a full time SAHM for 3 years. My life revolved around taking care of both boys. They would come first before any housework or ‘me’ time. Try as I might, a schedule never worked, I would be on their schedule. I have learned the theme songs to Paw Patrol, Little Einsteins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse; now know that just playing one game of Candyland is just not allowed, and why just play with one toy when you have a toy room full that somehow makes it out into the living room!!

I have also learned how to calm my little one down when he is really upset. I know the difference in a cry when he is hurt, frustrated, or just seeking attention. I have found that the best nap in the world is taken when you have your children snuggled up next to you, and for a brief moment, the world seems at peace and perfect.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed my time at home with my boys. I felt and still feel that my place is at home, managing the household. The change is coming home after dropping both boys off…to a quiet house. I can now have a schedule that will be easier to stick to; and I can also start finding who I am again. I am volunteering at the boy’s school as the librarian; but that isn’t everyday. I still have this blog and meeting with my girls for Bible study.

So, what is my new norm?  I am not sure what my passions really are anymore…what do I want to do….who is Misty? What will my future hold?

This is a new journey, and a new chapter in my life as a wife, mother, and woman. My prayer is that I turn my focus back to Him and follow His lead. 

ByHisgrace,

Misty

I remember, as a kid, that Summer break seemed to stretch on forever. I would spend most of my days riding bikes with the neighborhood kids and hanging out at our local swimming pool. The only camps I had were Vacation Bible School and Cheerleading Camp; and Summer break was 3 months long. Life was good.

I am now older, married, and have two very active boys. Their Summer break is 10 weeks and jammed packed with camps, sports, family reunions,graduations, and cookouts. This Summer we had an added bonus of reorganizing and preparing the school library for the upcoming school year.

I don’t want to come across as complaining. I know that I am incredibly blessed to have children; children who want to be involved in their community, church, and athletics. I just find my self asking:

Is this worth it? Are we filling our Summer break to the brim because it’s what our kids want and just a season of life? OR  Are we doing these things because ‘it’s what everyone else does’?

Our school year is starting in 3 weeks, and I have been reflecting on our Summer. We, as a family, only had 2 weeks out of the 10 where we had nothing going on…..2 weeks.

Baseball was in full swing at the start of our Summer. Noah had his first year in Minor League and Nathan had started t-ball. It was a long season for Noah. He did not enjoy it, and even got to the point where he would be in tears before games because he didn’t want to go. We have a rule in this family “Once you start something, you finish it.” Needless to say, Noah has decided to give up baseball next year.

We then went right into Vacation Bible School and basketball camp….each lasting a week. Then came a children’s cooking class, and Noah had to do it because he wants to be a chef when he gets older.

Noah then went off to church camp for 4 days and then when he came home we had an annual benefit and a family reunion.

Now, next week starts Football Camp followed by practice and school…..

I tell myself that we are making memories for our children. They are learning discipline, endurance, being a team mate. They have grown in their relationships with the Lord and able to visit with family that they may only see once a year. All of these things are great, but there is also a downside.

We have hardly had any family meals together, financial strain with all these camp fees, irritability because we have to go go go, so we aren’t late!!

Where is the rest? Where is the quality family time where we are not distracted? Do I even know if my kids have enjoyed their Summer?

I know some of you reading this think “Welcome to adulthood!” “Welcome to parenting!”; and in part, I absolutely agree with you. I know this is a season of life. I just want to make sure that we are doing things for the right reason, double check our priorities, and putting the Lord and family first.

Noah and Nathan will only have one childhood…I want them to enjoy it.

By His grace,

Misty