Chapter 10: All On My Own

I had to make a tough decision. Well, I’m not really sure if it was tough but more along the lines of having to do something I really didn’t want to do. I had to give up my program. It has been tough ever since..

The program was working…I mean it really works! I was feeling my best and losing weight and inches. Now, I am all on my own trying to apply what I have learned and stick with healthy food choices. It has not been easy. My biggest obstacle is making it all about the food. I started eating everything I had went without while on program. I wasn’t doing it to fuel my body, I was doing it because I felt like I had deprived myself. I am still struggling and trying to find the balance.

I have gained five pounds since going off plan, but my clothes are still fitting comfortably. I know now is the time to start trying to re-break my habits. Honestly, eating in a more healthier way was easy. The food is good and my body does feel better. However, a nice slice of pizza is so tempting, and I will admit that I have indulged. Like always, it tastes good during, but I feel terrible physically several hours later.

I know I am not alone in this up and down roller coaster. My main disappointment is going right back to the old habits and believing this time will be different. Yes, I know what the definition of insanity is.. doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. This journey has been hard and frustrating. The pounds are so easy to put on, but take forever to come off. I wish I could be more positive, but right now I just feel defeated.

This wasn’t an easy blog post to make. I had been so positive and determined in previous posts. Hopefully you all can extend me some grace, and hopefully I can dig deep and find my motivation and whys again!!

Living by grace,


Chapter 9: Not the Update I Expected

Vulnerability and transparency post…

..I have been going off plan.

It’s like I hit my 25 pound goal and thought, ‘Hey, I can do this and have that banana cream twister. It won’t matter that much.’ Wrong people!! Wrong, wrong wrong. Instead, it had me craving more unhealthy foods and I would sneak in a piece of candy here or a few fries there. The consequences? I have gained two pounds, headaches, and fatigue. Two pounds may not seem like a big deal, but let me tell you, those 2 pounds seemed to take forever to come off; and now I have to do it again.

I don’t want to say that I “cheated” on my “diet” because I don’t see this as a diet. I see it as an overall lifestyle change to good health. It is a journey, has now become my mantra. My goal is to hunker down and focus solely on my nutrition. I need to get back into that healthy mindset of fueling my body the correct way and remembering how I feel physically and mentally versus how I feel when I go off plan.

Life on this journey has had its ups and downs, and I have had some positives during this set back. One, I am still in my size 16s, and second, I was able to play some soccer with my youngest. This was one of my biggest motivators to get healthy. My two boys are very active and I wanted to be able to be active with them. It was a great day passing the soccer ball back and forth, and spending some quality time in doing so.

I started writing the above paragraphs a few days ago, and since that time I have had more obstacles on my journey. The major one is having to take a step back from following the program as far as ordering goes, and I am so disappointed. We have had a few things financially come up, one being talk of lay off at my fiancee’s work, that has left me having to cut the budget somewhere. Unfortunately, this was it. I worked so hard over these last three months and I am concerned about maintaining and continue to lose the weight.

My game plan is to still focus on my nutrition. I went to the grocery store today and purchased basically just food for me at a whopping $100 (for me, that is crazy since that is what I usually spend to feed four people a week). I was giving myself a pat on the back for actually purchasing food with good nutrition and then was left slightly discouraged on how to make that grocery bill fit in my budget. Why in the world is good and healthy food so expensive? And we really wonder why obesity is so prominent in the U.S.?? This is probably for another post so I will now step off my soap box…

The fact of the matter is that I’m not going back. I can’t go back. My health is way too important and my children having a healthy mom is way too important to give up now. I have been reading a book titled, “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay” by Sheila Walsh. She had a great quote that says,

The thing that will keep us strong and help us move forward is knowing that Christ is with us and for us, and the hope we have in Him ultimately will not disappoint.

Sheila Walsh

I fully believe that God is a part of putting me on this path, and I remain firm in the belief that it will be through His strength that I will press on into this journey and will come out a healthier and happier woman for it. I simply will not be able to do this without Him. My will power can only go so far, and then I must rely on Him to see me through this adventure.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

Living by grace,


Chapter 8: Still Winning

I am now in the tenth week of my weight loss journey. I have lost twenty-five pounds and eighteen inches total so far. I am thrilled and excited each time I step on the scale and see that number going down, but there have been times when the numbers haven’t moved. The biggest thing to do when that has happened is to ask myself, ‘What else has changed?’.

The first thing I have noticed is my energy level. I used to basically be a couch potato. I would do my cleaning (sometimes) and then veg out in front of the T.V. and take a nap. I would then stay up until around two in the morning, wake up at 7 and start the process again. Now, my days look like this:

  1. Wake up at 6:30 a.m.
  2. Take boys to school
  3. Walk, clean and/or run errands, write, Bible study
  4. Pick up boys from school, homework, dinner
  5. In bed at 10:30 p.m.

Notice the differences in the two routines? I may watch about an hour of T.V. a day and maybe nap once a week. I am productive and actually getting out and walking. My energy is up and I feel great!

Size 20 to 16

Next, are my clothes. I have gone from a 2X in tops to a L/XL. My bottoms have gone from a 20/22 to a size 16. I have already had to buy some new clothes.

Left today and Right in September 2020

Now onto the inches. My stomach is shrinking and my thunder thighs aren’t so thunder anymore! This is a HUGE win for me guys. I notice in my pictures that my face has slimmed down and isn’t as puffy and swollen too.

November 2020 and present

Lastly, is how my body is responding to motion and walking for exercise. I used to choose not to be active because I was embarrassed. It would be only a short time into a walk and I would begin to sweat…like really sweat. My hair would be wet and sweat would run down my face, neck, and back. I would become winded easily, and my lower back and feet would begin hurting. My pace was also pretty darn slow. Now I average walking about two miles. I no longer sweat or have backaches or foot pains. I walk at a fast pace and my lungs feel good. I actually have started to love my walks and look forward to them!!

These non-scale victories sometimes are even better than the number I see on the scale.

So what is the take away from this post? The number on the scale is just that, a number. Do not allow that to discourage you and make you doubt the journey you are on. Great things are happening if you just look for them!

Still winning,